YES I Just Make This S**T UP As I Go....

As a child when I asked my wonderful Mother for guidance about what to do, what course to choose, what to study as a degree, what Uni to go to, her answer always ended with something like "follow your heart hon" OH MY LORD!, that used to drive me nuts.
Other kids complained that their parents told them, what to study, what to be when they grow up, I was dying (or thought I was) for some straightforward "do this" "don't do that".

As I got older and even more so now that I'm a mother I get what she was doing or better still preparing me for.

The older I get I also realise what an incredible woman my mother is. No, I didn't always appreciate her ways or point of view but now I soooooo do.

You see, I think it's divine because she prepared me for MY life. Not A life, or life in general as a concept. Nope, My Mummy fixed me up for My life. Let me explain.

I'm gonna give you the short version and if I ever write a memoir you'll get the full story.
So short version.

SIDE NOTE:
I would write a memoir not an autobiography because memoir is just a nice word to say don't you think? ;o)

I grew up with my grandparents in Kingston Jamaica 'till age 10.
At 10 I came to London to live with my mummy. I studied English Literature and Art A levels and my Degree is in Fine Art and Art History. Uneventful really except my family are ALL professionals, Doctors, Engineers, Accountants, Pollitricks (not a typo). The only room for painters was my grandfather the Carpenter and my other grandfather the Architect.

So my point is I went my own way, always and in everyway.
And after studying my career has been the same. No need to bio that but it's my own road.
I dug it up, trudged along, explored, made mistakes, had a blast and kept on moving.

This blog came to me because I had brunch today with a lovely friend who I haven't seen for ages and we had a wonderful catch up. We came to the conclusion that the lives we created, as women of colour both from the Caribbean, in our Fabulous Forties and as mothers was not "normal" but it is completely just right for us. We made decisions for ourselves and our children because they felt like the right things to do and we're guided by some pretty strong principles.
Principles like

• Do the right thing and you'll know what that is
•  If they don't pay your bills you don't have to buy to their opinions
• Have manners  
• If you know better do better.

Those were the main ones that got us this far and we both agreed we're still learning and growing.

I've also come to the conclusion that just 'cause nobody's life looks like yours doesn't mean there's something wrong with your life.
Furthermore, you can learn and model different things from different people.  You just have to trust what to take for yourself because it works for you/serves you and what to leave well where it is because it doesn't work for you/serve you.
That's how my wonderful mummy prepared me for MY LIFE!!!
Partly anyway, she did so much more and continues to be the most amazing model of Motherhood and Womanhood I could ever have.

Until next post/time happy Growth Games.

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'Cause Life Is Better That Way

What are you so happy about?
You always have a smile for me!
How come you're always so happy?
These are some of the random comments I get literally on a daily basis from people I know, am acquainted with, work with and strangers too.
My standard answer is "cause life's better that way" which normally makes them smile or look very confused. Either way I've never stopped to discuss it further.

I've been thinking about it though not because I'm always happy. I'm not, no one is. I just choose to feel good and do genuinely feel joyful most of the time. So most of the time when you interact with me you'll get a smile.

I was thinking about the opposite, about people who feel bad, wronged, worried, victimised and they feel that way most of the time.

I know many books, audios and talks are written about the law of attraction and how what we focus on expands and where attention goes energy flows and so on and so on. We've heard that all before right?

If we've heard it what stops us from believing it?  What stops us from seeing it happen in our lives.
I've been watching someone very closely, no not stalkerish, we work together very often.  He values hard work, he sacrifices his health, his time, his relationships to run a successful business empire and I completely understand and appreciate that.

But here's the element he adds, that for me, makes life, much harder for him.
He believes that people are always trying to screw him, he has serious trust issues.
Not only does he believe that things are always hard, no one is on his side and it's him against the world. Because he's a fighter, he loves the battles, business and personal. The kicker is there's literally always a battle. It's exhausting to watch sometimes.
I can forget trying to turn a mirror on it and say (with love and respect) "look you are responsible for creating a lot of these, struggles, battles and fights".
It all falls on deaf ears and of course it's always someone else's fault, conveniently someone else is always to blame.

I remember a phrase I heard a while back and it stuck
"Fortunately or unfortunately we take ourselves with us everywhere we go,"

SIDE NOTE:
For you is that fortunately .......... is here, or is it Unfortunately ............ is here? (Insert your name in the space) Which is true about you? hhhmmmmmmmm

If we're not willing to take a look at what we bring to a conversation, situation, circumstances.. good, bad or otherwise, we can like my friend, get stuck in a pattern that just makes life hard, painful and of course have very little to smile or be happy about.

So what if its really true that what we focus on expands and if we focus on feeling good and on things that make us happy, we would experience an expansion of things that make us happy, wouldn't we?

Wouldn't it be worth a try, especially if you're stuck in a place where things are just funky all the time?
Like I said, I'm not happy all the time and I hate how people assume happy people are flaky.
That to me is just ridiculous. If you ask me, it takes courage and strength of character to choose to live in Joy and happiness, because life happens to or for us all.

So at this point you're thinking bladebladebla Evette.. Whatever!!!!
How about I explain how this works for me.

TRUE STORY: Today I went to a cafe to finish writing this blog post.
I paid for my coffee and I thought that I gave the cashier a £10 note. She was pretty sure that I gave her £5.
Long story short I wasn't that sure so I said, "It's all good", smiled, took my change and sat down to write.
I'm not some happy mystic, so I started to get irritated and felt like she ripped me off.
That voice went on in my head for a little bit and then it irritated me so now I'm irritated at the girl and at myself.
What did I do? I tried to tell myself to let it go, that in the grand scheme of things this really is a small thing. That didn't really work.
The thing I did that really worked was to call my Besty and find out how she's doing.
I basically distracted myself because otherwise I would have just gone around and around with this pointless irritation all by myself. Not only was I distracting myself, I was focused on something else.


SIDE NOTE:
I did not call to bitch and rant about to the situation I called to move my mind away from it. That's just one way of distracting yourself.

The most important part is to catch your mind heading down the swirling toilet flush of shit.  Check yourself before you end up going down there with it and sitting in the smelly mess, feeling shitty, not even understanding how you got there and worse still staying there for the rest of the day.

Catch yourself, awareness is your greatest ally.
Then get creative on distracting your mind from it, find the funny side, the lighter side and don't sweat the small stuff! We've all heard that one haven't we?
Cause in the end it's all "Small Stuff"

So chose Happiness
I'm telling ya Life is just better that way.
I dare ya!! Try it and see what happens.


Until next post/time happy Growth Games.

Please leave comments below, share this post and most importantly enjoy!!!  

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