EMOTIONALLY!!!

How many times have you heard someone say "People, Human beings, We, are creators of emotion not logic?" As many times as I have or more? I've often heard it said when talking about appealing to a person's emotional side, in order to empathise, influence, inspire or even getting someone to make a decision. The right decision for them.

So I read this post on facebook and I shared it too. It resonated, made sense. But then it got me thinking and that gets me writing.
"Don't let your emotions distract you from what needs to be done. Control your emotions or your emotions will control you"
Again! I totally get it. I'll give you an example.
You know those days where you just have one thing after the other going pear shaped (Translation - very wrong) but you manage to keep your eye on the ball, you keep the main thing, the main thing. You manage not to get distracted, or to give in to the urge to just scream and shout or freak out. You really don't even have time for it today. Plus you know it's totally counter productive Right!! Right!!
But who can keep that up all the time? And doesn't all that energy, that emotion have to be released somewhere, sometime, aimed at someone?
You've seen that too, I'm sure. The moment when someone just lets you have it, full barrels and you know full well it has nothing to do with you. You're just there when the implosion hits. A case of wrong place, wrong time.
Speaking for myself.  Most of the time I'm positive, optimistic, calm and solution conscious. Other times I just let my B**CH out and let her rip.

The thing is both emotional control and emotional release feel great. Sometimes!!

A few weeks back my phone got grabbed by some guys on a moped while I was on my way to a meeting. I still went to my meeting, talked to really unhelpful police and equally unhelpful mobile company and, and and..... the day got worse.
I kept myself  calm and stayed solution conscious and that felt GOOD!

A few months ago working at an event and a special person (rude, obnoxious, so and so) came along and gave me grief, I let him have it! Briefly!!! And I'm telling you, that   felt GOOD!!
Now that I think of it I needed hugs and a friendly ear after both emotionally charged situations.

Side Note! I really believe there are no simple black and white right and wrong good and bad there are colours and shades and hues to infinity.

My take on the whole thing is simply this, be true to your feelings. Honor them but be mindful who's in control, You, or Your emotions?  Be it fear, love, doubt, anger, faith..... who's in control?

                                      
                                      And of course it's not that simple! Or is it?

I have a 7yr old boy aka cub and I teach him that he controls him. That no one makes him feel anything. He gives meaning to the situations and peoples behaviour towards him. In my mind he might as well know this from now.  It's not so easy though, when he comes home upset.

He doesn't want to do his after school club anymore. Some of the kids laugh at him cause he missed a goal or made a mistake.  He doesn't wanna hear me go on about "you control you" stuff, he wants to express that he feels bad about it.

He wants to be emotional. I tried to tell him that he shouldn't stop doing something he likes to do because of the actions of others. That he decides how it makes him feel. He wasn't hearing me. At that point I just had to listen and comfort him, as it wasn't the time to re-enforce a life lesson.  He just wanted to feel what he was feeling and I decided to honor that.  Oh! and not to mention stopping myself from getting pissed off at those little brats upsetting my cub. Such is life. So much to learn so much growing to be done. So stay true to you and how you feel! We are emotional beings after all Right??!!

Keep on growing!!! #learnsharegrow

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So What If You Dont like Me!!??

I was very blessed to be brought up by my grandparents until the age of 9yrs old.  So I had a very traditional Caribbean upbringing. Those raised that way know what I mean and everyone else, maybe I'll fill you in some other time ;-)  My grandparents would always say things that at the time made no sense to me but as I got older the expressions all made more sense.  I would find myself at random times understanding these expressions as the made sense in a particular situation. I could write a book I think called "things Grandma and Grandad used to say"

So the expression that's going round my head today is "What people think about you is none of your business".
That one was a puzzle for me for years.  Of course they never come with an explanation. I guess that would defeat the point of figuring it out for yourself.  But doesn't everyone like to be liked?
I had an interesting conversation with a friend as she relayed an incident between mutual friends who had a misunderstanding.
They decided that they couldn't stand each other. Even though they are both the sweetest people you'll ever meet.
The story got a bit playground, in the sense of "well! you don't like me so I don't like you either.
May I add that they are both GROWN people!
Anyway!
The thing that I kept wondering was, "so what if you don't like her and she doesn't like you?"
Aren't we big enough to take that on the chin now? I mean, you really have no control over whether someone likes you or not.  At some point in life you have to decide that people need to take you or leave you as you are and be comfortable, even happy in that.

My mentor +Marc Accetta says "Whether you like me or not is your choice, whether you respect me or not is mine!" What does he mean by that? Well it's simple really, be a respectful person, a person of integrity among other things. 
Marc is an very successful entrepreneur, international speaker and trainer. I feel so blessed to be learning from him.

So with +Marc Accetta as a mentor I've learnt too many things to share right now.   What I will share tonight was a HUGE catalyst, that created a paradigm shift which changed my life.  It's all about personalities.  I took a very simple personality test.  The point of this test was not to "find myself".  It was more about who I am and how I relate to other personalities.

Side Note! Have you ever met someone that just annoyed the hell out of you and you didn't know why but they just do? Or you met someone that just cant stand you and you have no idea why, but they just do.

So once I learnt what personality I was and how I communicate, I began to work on becoming a
better communicator.

I learnt how to interact with people who had personality traits that were completely opposite to mine.
It most definitely affected my relationships, especially with my siblings. I now know why I used to annoy the hell out of them lol!! Live and learn baby, live and learn!

So I bet you'd love to know what personality type you are wouldn't you?
Firstly here's a short intro video where Marc talks about the personality test. Please watch it before you take the test: Marc Accetta Personality Test
Then go to this link and Take the Personality Test

After taking the test you'll get an explanation of all colours. The personalities are described and grouped as colours, which is genius to me, as it's so easy to remember and recognise who is who.
I love this subject. I make an effort to study it, using this amazing tool that Marc developed called "Living In Full Color" .  When I think of how important it is to me to find ways to communicate effectively in life, relationships and business. I'm so grateful that I learnt these tools. Saying that Marc always reminds us that "You don't know what you don't know"

Keep on growing!!!

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So I lost my flow for a little

So I lost my flow for a little.  I'm referring to writing my weekly Blog.  I made a commitment to myself, to consistently write a weekly Blog.  I made that commitment for several reasons. To develop my love for writing, for sharing my personal development journey and lastly, but I think most importantly, to develop the habit of consistency.  I don't know about you but consistency is an area of development for me. So I chose to work on it.

Side Note!: Commitment! It comes off as a heavily loaded word these days, and for so many reasons. This is my favourite definition though. Commitment; "Doing the thing you said you'd do, long after the feeling you said it in has passed".

MMMMNNNNN!! Easier said than done right? Or is it? Like everything, I really think it's about my perception. If I think it's easy, it is. If I think it's hard, it's hard and that's up to me.  So I just decided to get back in the flow and it was easy.  I literally stopped listening to my excuses and just started writing.  It of course made sense to write about this.
I think the power, the magic whatever you want to call it is, making a decision followed by immediate action.  My goodness I have heard and read and said that so many times and I still stumble. Took me 5 weeks to get here back in the flow.

It just reminded of a great book called:
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Here is an amazing TEDx Talks by the Pulitzer Prize winning writer Charles Duhigg.
http://youtu.be/OMbsGBlpP30
It was incredible to learn how much of our actions are habits. I definitely recommend reading the book.

I'll end by saying this, if you do fall out of your flow, whatever you're flow is, whatever your commitment is. Don't freak out, be kind to yourself (it takes even longer to get back to it if you're busy giving yourself grief).

So don't SHOULD all over yourself ;-)  Just remember to make a decision to get back on your flow and take immediate action.  Trust me it feels good ;-)


Back in my flow!
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WHY ARE WE WAITING!!??

I remember as a child we had a tuck shop at school. They used to do the most amazing Chelsea Buns and Rock Cakes.  They were to die for and it was the best part of the day. If we got to the tuck shop and they weren't ready yet the cheeky kids would start a chorus of "WHY ARE WE WAITING" It was hilarious. I was fresh from a Jamaican schooling system, where children were seen and not heard and only spoke when called upon.
Old school stuff.

SIDE NOTE! What was once discipline is now abuse, "Sick" means cool and common sense has not been common for decades

Anyway, it just occurred to me that as a child we didn't like waiting. We couldn't wait for Christmas, birthdays and eight glorious weeks of summer holidays BABY!!.

In the Lion King Simba sings "I just can't wait to be King"
And if you've ever been in a long car trip with kids you hate the words, (all together now!!)
ARE WE THERE YET??!! 

Then out of nowhere, and I say that because I personally I can't pinpoint when it happens but we grow into this mode;
It's not the right time! Everything's about timing! This is the perfect time! I've got to wait till the times right!
See the difference?
Crazy right!! I hear all of the above a lot, in my work and life and I wonder, what on earth are we waiting for? Myself included.
Life happens now! Right NOW! It doesn't wait. So why do we?

When I found out I was pregnant with my cub (my 7yr old boy) It was definitely not the right time. I'd never seen myself as the nurturing type.
I thought I'd adopt kids some point, once I was where I wanted to be career wise. Here's the kicker, I'd broken up with my sons' dad 5 weeks before I got my happy news from peeing on a stick. HA!! Right Time?? HELL TO THE NOOOOOOO!!

I was 33 years old and thought "Well looks like I'm gonna be a Mummy, suck it up sista".
7yrs later that boy is the most incredible gift that life has ever EVER bestowed on me.
DUH, it's not been easy. There's been painful, crazy, madness, and a whole lot of growth. But I've transcended a lot to become the woman I am now.

I'm still left with that thought though, why are we waiting? 

When and by whom was that seed of thought planted? I think I play the waiting game less than most because I'm spontaneous by nature but I do have things that I put off that I know I need to do yesterday.

At this stage I'm just better at catching myself and taking action as and when I need to.

Just some food for thought :-)

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Clearing Clutter for Clarity

I might not look it but I'm not in my mid twenty's anymore.  So my New Years Eve celebrations are rather tame to say the least.  When I was out to lunch on January 1st, we passed several people throwing their guts up, having their hair held and back rubbed by that much needed and loved friend, it did take me back.  Back to the days when the 1st day of the year meant, please sleep through the hangover. If you didn't, maybe you woke up, hangover in full pounding swing or even worse on your way home from the celebrations, hangover in full screaming pounding swing.
Your mission, you and your group of friends MUST find, full English breakfast and it'll all be ok.

So needless to say as a single mummy and almost 40 I haven't rode that fun train for many years now. Cant say I miss it even.  

New Years eve for me was sitting down with my goals, game planning for 2015 as a worked through the Life Strategy Course I'm doing by Jefferson Santos . After lunch I joined a webinar hosted by Kemi Oyesola where she talked about "How to Think" and why we tell ourselves we "can't "do things we want to do.
After that I curled up with my book Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.  The last thing that filled my head as I went to sleep December 31st was a chapter or rather process #14 Clearing Clutter for Clarity and that was it, goodbye 2014, it's been a blast.

I literally leaped out of bed on the 1st of January and started clearing everything out.
Nothing was safe or sacred. I started with the Kitchen drawers. Then the Desk drawers, then the receipts, the cupboards and shelves.
I was a woman possessed until I finished the last of the de-clutter madness on the 2nd of January.

It was one simple question that seemed to drive me on and on and on....

Is this item important to my immediate experience? Discard everything from your experience that is not essential to you now.
So I did and the energy in my home really feels different. I feel fantastic! Well downstairs in my home has the new vibes, I haven't got to de-cluttering upstairs yet.
The thing is, I'm always so amazed and grateful when things I learn just have such a powerful but simple effect on my life. It could be all new year optimism but it could be clarity.

SIDE NOTE!   When someone says they spent New Years Eve at home, it doesn't automatically translate as sad lonely person that you need to feel sorry for. Do try to take the pity look off your face. Some people like, appreciate even love their own company.

Happy 2015 everyone. Make it your best year yet because you show up as the best you ever ;-)

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Feeling Merry looking Back!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Well, that went rather smoothly. That being Christmas lunch. The only slight hiccup was, that our guests went from 6 to 3 without warning and potential drama but we rolled with it. It's been a lovely day.
All done stuffing my face. My sister has gone for a walk and cub (my son) is glued to his new tablet.
So I thought I'd relax with a glass of sparkly stuff and fancy Christmas chocolate biscuits. There's always room for fancy biscuits right!!

I got an email last week from Caroline Shola Arewa. It took me awhile to get around to reading (today, a week later). Even so I'm really glad I did. Caroline Shola Arewas' work is all about energy. Living life in/with high energy.
That message really resonates with me. Especially as a person who naturally has high energy and was often told to slow down, clam down, chill... Thankfully I'm not around people like that anymore.  I'm now around people that love and celebrate my energy.  I've even achieved positions of responsibility and importance because of that energy.
Anyway the thing about Sholas' email I'd like to share with you was this; Appreciative Reflection. The idea is to celebrate your achievements, recognise the blessing and highlights of 2014.  I love this idea, Appreciative Reflection! Why not!
I see and hear so many people feeling sad, finding the faults of the year, and of this month. They just cant wait till it's over. 2014 was SHIT, they say as they reminisce about all the things that went wrong.  A very close friend died this month. She lost her battle against cancer. The thing about her was that even as she went into the hospice, just a few weeks before she died, she was filled with hope, positivity and the fun way she always looked at life.  She went straight through hell with a smile until she left us for the stars :-). .

Side Note! Human beings are the only animals who'll sit in their proverbial shit and not move. They'll be covered in it, complain how it stinks, how they know it's bad for them, how they can't move blah blah etc etc. Other animals shit and leave. hhhmmmmmm!!!

So back to the email I just read. Caroline Shola Arewa gave some wonderful questions to guide us through the process of Appreciative Reflection. Here they are;

Look back at 2014

1.     What have been your biggest achievements in 2014

2.     How have you evolved as a person?  -  Challenges, insights, vision, mission

3.     What were your magical highlights in 2014?

4.     Who and what are you most grateful for?

5.     Is there anything that no longer serves you and needs to be released?

Look forward into 2015
1. What is your main Vision and focus for 2015?
2.  What is your one big goal for 2015?
3.  Create a wellness commitment for 2015 
4.  What new skill do you need to develop in 2015?
5.  How will you be in greater alignment and service in 2015?

I'll be working through my questions once I'm done writing this.

I hope you had a fabulous Christmas however you spent your day.
Remember, don't look back in anger at 2014, look back in appreciation. You made through a whole year and that's not guaranteed.

R.I.P my lovely Josie Cichockyj.
You have been an inspiration to many in life. Your legacy of love, laughter, drive and determination will continue to inspire us.
A Simple Tribute: http://youtu.be/_zJEierUJVU

Merry Christmas and an Abundantly Prosperous 2015

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Yes! He knows he's Amazing!!

Cub at 3yrs Old

From before my cub (aka my son) could even talk he had such presence, a really solid sense of self. It really threw me and I remember thinking,  "how does he know"?  Speaking to my family and friends who help me raise him, we agreed that children seemed to be born connected. Born knowing who they were and very much in touch with their power.

So then what happens? All sorts. School for a start, aka the beginning of comparisons and conformity. My cub bless him, is Master contraire. He has to do the exact opposite of what you tell him and at the young age of 7yrs, he can give you pretty good reasons why he chooses to do the opposite.  He is also adamant that he doesn't appreciate being told what to do. Attitude and cheek of a teenager (ALREADDY!!! WTH!!!) I thought I had 10 more years of sweet cuteness at least.  

The thing about being a single parent that always throws me, is how much I adore my cub, he's my favourite in the universe. I love it that he questions everything. That he talks to me and expresses his feelings and opinions freely. The flip side is he can drive me CRAZY! I  do often clarify to him that he doesn't "make me angry" I react in anger to something that he does. I'm in charge of me. 

Side Note! I really don't even think I had opinions at age 7, and if I did I curtainly kept them to my self. I was brought up old skool "children should be seen and not heard", "do as I say not as I do", keep out of big people business". 

So for me sometimes I wish he would shout the hell up, do what he's told the first time and question everything EXCEPT ME!! and what I say. 

Modern parenting!!. 

Saying all that, I'm not alone. I speak to other parents and friends that help bring up kids in modern families, of these mordern times and it's a tough gig. 

I want to bring up a confident, empowered young man so It's a learning curve.  My Mummy says "children are supposed to evolve their parents" She feels that I evolved her as a mother (which is a HUGE complement because she's the best Mummy EVER!!) and my Cub will definitely evolve me. Hell he's already travelled more than I had at 17 by age 7. 

So evolution is neigh!

In my growth journey as a modern single parent, I've found great tools. Tools to help me guide him through his childhood journey.  First tool, both blood and choosen family. Priceless!  No need to play SUPER MUMMY! 

Last year I meet another single mum. An amazing lady called Dawatiie.  She founded, bulit and runs a business call Holistic World at the same time as going through a divorce and bringing up two small boys. She totally inspired me. Especially as an entrepreneur, woman and mother.

Holistic World is a company that provides a range of resources to assist and contribute towards a holistic lifestyle for both adults and children.

Side Note! If you think you've got it tough, there's always someone who has bigger badder challenges than you and comes out shinning and smiling.

"You can go straight through hell with a smile"

Dawattie has collaborated with Artist and Graphic Designer  Angela Cutler to create the most wonderful affirmation cards for children. The Magnificent Me, Magnificent You Empowerment cards provide children with positive food for thought to support children in the knowledge that they are unique and special with many gifts at their disposal to support them on their life's journey. 

 And I just LOVE that! Don't you?!

The card in the picture reads:

"I Lead By Example"

Walk your talk, lead by example. Let your actions glow bright, lighting up a path for others to follow.

Cub loves his cards. It makes sense that he does, as they mostly reaffirms truths he instinctively knows. Awesome! Isn't it! ??

This same powerhouse female team of Dawattie and Angela also created the 1st of a series of childrens books, The Magnificent Me, Magnificent You.  The Magnificent Me, Magnificent You, Grand Canyon story and activity book, empowers  young children to nurture their physical selves, develop their emotional wellbeing, whilst also building on their knowledge of the world they live in.

I don't have a Cubs' verdict on the book yet because it's a Xmas present and it's even signed by the author Dawattie.  

I love anything that makes my life easier and gives  Cub his own tools that help him own his greatness is a mega bonus for me. 

I really don't want him to wait until he's in his 30's to wake up and reconnect with the higher version of himself. I want him to walk with, own and evolve continuously, throughout his life's journey with that higher version of himself.

It makes me smile just thinking of it.

  

I had a wonderful childhood. My close family always loved and supported me. Even so I put so much value on the opinion and criticism of others and doubted myself. I hope to at least give cub the gift of skipping all that BS.

That's part of the master plan anyway but I'm only a part of it. It's really his show, his life, his power. 

Websites, tools and people I mentioned:

Holistic World

Angela Cutler

Magnificent Me, Magnificent You, Empowerment Cards for Kids

Magnificent Me, Magnificent You, The Grand Canyon Written Dawattie Basdeo, Illustrations Angela Cutler

 

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